There's No Stalin This Russian

Generations apart and bearing no resemblance in appearance or achievement, this weeks hair-brid features Russian ruler Josef Stalin (Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili) and Buffalo Sabres forward Maxim Afinogenov.

Stalin was responsible for the "Great Purges." Max thought the great purges was the local phone book where a number could be attained.

Stalin was a strategist who rallied his country in the efforts to defeat Nazi Germany. Max was instrumental in his non-passing efforts and solo fancy footing in the Sabres' President Trophy Winning Season. Although not an achievement with globally historic implications, but probably caused grief for several Canadian Countrymen while embarrasing the Leafs on any given game night. Not a Russian defeat of Canada in the slightest.

Stalin was involved in Socialist Realism. Max is a constant contributor to the efforts of I.R. Frequency Analysis and Adaptation. (IRFAA)

Stalin made company with Kalinin, and Lenin whilst at Bolshevik party meetings where they planned secretly to oust conspirators and threats to the party's progress. Afinogenov also makes company with a Kalinin, and a Spacek. Most of their conversation consists of Vodka, Beetches, and Drew Stafford's Keg Parties.

A brief factual blurb drawing absolutely no parallels whatsoever but at least we can rest easy knowing that putting a rediculous and historical womb broom on a current Sabre is just a few mouse clicks away.

Feature Beard #3 - Keep The Dream Alive

Gone are the days of the proverbial knight in shining armor, exhuding pure chivalry, wit, and charm when it comes to the ladies. But one man is navigating that vagina safari, even though he looks like he came from the jungle himself.
Terry Croaker is a wrench at a local greasemonkey's oil change and lube. Now you might remember that greasemonkey's went out of business in the late 80's, but so did Terry's hair line. Terry's fading glory doesn't stop him however when it comes to shootin down cougars at T-Birds with his branded pickup line, "your feet must be small, cause there ain't nothing growing in the shade of those knockers." You laugh, but here is an example of his latest trophies.
Jealous? You should be.
The insurance secretary, the truckstop diner waitress, and the mother of 5 who's husband is too busy routing out his assistants baby cave instead of paying attention to her needs...and incessant bitching.
Terry will listen. Terry will make you laugh. Terry is an inspiration to ugly men everywhere. Against the odds he fights through...even though if you put clown makeup on him I swear he would look like the type that would violate a child or three.

Actually instead of honoring this guy I would like to shift this to amber alert, cause there must be a kid missing somewhere. I cant get that fucking clown image out of my head.

Johnny Wadd A Wonderful World

Tis a sad day indeed when we shift not to the honor of a great splendor of lip hair, but to the rembrance of a moustached man who boasted just as much on his vagina taster as his vagina tester. John Holmes died this day in the year 1988 of the ninja (better known as AIDS).

Johns work, which may have included over 2500 appearances in film, include but are obviously not limited to: Sex and the single vampire, Johnny Wadd, Liquid Lips, Up and Coming, Eruption, Pizza Girls and my personal favorite, Saturday Night Beaver.

John's most notable contribution to the business was not his body of work but rather the constant and still ongoing debate about his penis size. Claims of 10" to 16" were boasted by Holmes, depending on his mood and drug intake for the day. Another important variable in the calculation is how trimmed his boosh was at the moment. Most notable was the last measurement taken by the coroner after his death and he still boasted 8.75" whilst flacid. This obviously not being a form field on a coroners report was documented in pencil on the back side of the third page.

JH also had claimed to have slept with over 20,000 women which based some quick web math over a 20 year period would average out to:

• 700 women a year
• 1.9 women per day
• .08 women per hour
• .0013 women per minute
• .000022 women per second

I am not sure pubescent boys think about it as much as he was slaying it.

The Grizzly Adams Division

Clark MacArthur seems to have been a hot topic with the Sabres organization this season, winning the Annual Sabres Saavy competition in the demographics of 15-18 year old girls, 34 year old mothers of college students, and 21-24 year old gay male postal workers.

Upon his first visit to the team showers this year, he was fortunate to learn about the "Tallinder Towel Whip," the "T-Bo Bag Slap," the "Regier Rear Entry," and most notably why Max Afinogenov is the best "dangler" on the team. (Why is Darcy showering with the guys?)

Many game goers will refer to Clark as "The General" but it is widely known that his nickname is "GRIZZ." No, not after Jeremy, but after Clark W. Griswold of National Lampoons fame. But what if they just called him Grizz cause when dude decides to throw the razor away he looks like Dan Haggerty's character Grizzly Adams. Please note our Photoshop Lab has provided stubble growth evolution imagery.

Dan's beard was undoubtedly skilled , known to trap birds and small game inside of it. But the real test Clark is, how good can your beard stick handle, make a no-look pass, or even congratulate a linemate on a goal.

Following his reassignment to Rochester, AND another loss this evening to the Pingus..we will have to stay tuned for a call up.

Clark, if I was a 21-24 year old gay postal worker I'd totally let your grizzle tickle my bean bag. What?

Moustache Ride Revisited

The 1980's was undoubtedly a cornucopia of poontang for a strapping young hollywood cocksman, Mr. Tom Selleck. Tom would steer clear of controversy by burying his bones in the backyards of B to D list young starlets.

CWdC based on striking similarities, has opened a paternal investigation into the possibilities that TS fathered now Buffalo Sabre, Drew Stafford. Notice the eyebrows, the ocular setting, the smile, and most notably, a computer generated profile of what Drews moustache would look like. The two are scheduled to settle this live on a Maury Povich rerun, in late 2004.

Newest Web-Log.

Feature Beard #002 - A. Bling Kin

It was the early 1860's and "Ol' Blind Lemon Jefferson" was fresh off his retirement as conductor of the underground railroad. Slavery was on the decline but racial tensions were quickly reaching an ebony crescendo.

These "careless whiskers" were the end Jeffersons tenure as a human being after showing up to a Hallow's Eve Celebration dressed as Honest Abe. He was not killed, but was the first African American to attend mandatory college for impersonating the president. He never graduated.

Feature Beard #001 - The Sleeper

Scott "The Sleeper" Parker (shown left) is the guy who never attempted to grow anything more than burns below the ear lobe. Someone told him beards were coming back, and the next day he shows up with THIS FUCKING THING.

Several of his friends have been growing for years, and this asshole shows up to the clubhouse with his new friend, Moses.

Sidenote: Scott is a graduate of St. Olaf Lutheran College in Minnesota. Rose Nylund (Golden Girls) was from St. Olaf. But I think that was in Norway.

Either way, Fuck off Scott.

Kenny Rogers Welcomes You

Hi I'm Kenny Rogers and I would like to welcome you to, careless whiskers.com. We here at the CWdC would like to let you know that everything is open for discussion here. Beards, MUSTaches, Growtees, even unkempt pube booshes are fair game.

So sit back and relax. For those of you on your computers, remove your pants, light a cigar, and pour yourself a high ball cause things is about to get ugly.

And by ugly I mean downright beautiful.

Eat a dick.

Kenny.